John Doe: saw a sign while I was driving that said, "Get high with Jesus!" I hope Jesus is thinking what I'm thinking. ;]

From: S.K.

John Doe: Im tired of women gettin these big expensive ass weaves, wtf. Stop fryin, dyin and watever else yall do and let that stuff grow. Its ridonculous, yall be puttin men thru pump fakes. Like in public yall look good, then u go home and take it out with ur make up. Next thing u know u got a girl who looks like freddy courgar. Not the biz

From: Billie Jean

John Doe: My self esteem is stable when i have more followers than people i follow.

From: Tweetaholic

Jane Doe: OMG WUT I can watch Alf on YouTube!

From: Coe

Jane Doe: I just hit a turtle with my car. That's like a golden ticket to hell right?

From: Bonbon

John Doe: I hate when skanks follow me on twitter. I hate it more when theyre hot and i know im not supposed to click their webcam links but do anyways, every time.

From: Shuggaz

John Doe: You laughed when i got the flashlight app. Who is laughing now that the power is out and you need to use the bathroom?!

From: Rye On

John Doe: What the hell is "rapeseed"and more importantly why is it a main ingredient in Cap'n crunch...?

From: itSAMEERacle

Jane Doe: It takes a special man to wear a mustache and look infinitely less creepy than pre-stache. Well done, sir. Well done.

From: LLT

Jane Doe: If you're gonna play games on your phone while you're in the can, at least turn the sound off.

From: Chad